marco baylon

God,

told my dgroup a while ago, that it doesnt matter that much whether you do this or do that. whether you dont do this or dont do that. as long as we are seeking you: wholeheartedly, no bull, sincerely, and that we are honest with you.

in all these confusion. i hope im doing the right thing with you. im not perfect. its difficult to come close to you knowing that ive made countless mistakes. again and again. but sometimes its confusing, sometimes i dont know if i did something wrong. something that you didnt like. sometimes i dont know whats right from wrong. sometimes i cant trust my mind, what i think. sometimes i cant trust my heart, what i feel. its all so confusing. but i hope what im doing is the right thing. i hope that, despite all that confusion. that searching you, seeking you, trying to include you in every part of my life. being honest with you and open to you (although its weird, since whether or not i open myself up to you, you know my innermost thoughts already). i guess, just as long as i am real to you…

you will be real to me as well.

you know me. you know that i will not do anything intentionally to hurt you. please forgive me for being stupid some many times.

as you become real to me. please guide me. guide me. guide me. no matter how stubborn i am. please guide me. i know you are already doing that now. but still, please dont stop guiding me.

thank you for being patient and gracious. thank you. thank you.

i love you Lord.

singing along.. i just wanted to post it..
[sing along if you want]

and I’d know what to do if I just knew what’s coming…
I would change myself if I could
I’d walk with my own people if I could find them
And I would say that I’m sorry to you
I’m sorry to you
but I don’t want to call you
But then I want to call you
cause I don’t want to crush you
But I feel like crushing you
and it’s true
I took for granted you were with me
I breathe by your looks and you look right through me
we we broken and didnt know it..

i have no idea what those lines mean.
but its nice to sing along

ok now back to work.

by e.e. cummings

somewhere i have never traveled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully,mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with this colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands